Arsenal 3-2 Streets of London

The Streets of London FC were dealt a bitter blow in their opening away match of the season to rivals Arsenal in Folsom this evening.

With some late changes to the starting line-up, the Streets of London needed to put Andy Nelson between the posts after Don Bradshaw was a no-show for the game.

Under the advice of absent manager Kevin "The Guvnor" O'Brien, the Streets fielded Jon Taylor as sweeper with Andy Wylie, Steve Sims and Ian Baxter from left to right across the back line. Ed Gatjen started the half in right midfield with Tom Hillesland and Nick Mussor in the middle. Vadim Winkler closed out the mid section on the left of midfield, while Mike Daley and Dave Scribner, both nursing injuries, took their usual striker roles.

For much of the opening 20 minutes Arsenal did little to threaten the Streets. Anything that did get through the midfield was swiflty dealt with by the likes of Baxter, Taylor and Wylie. Wylie was quick to dispatch Winkler down the left and Scribner up front with some accurate toe-punts.

Some early shots from the Streets showed a level of spirit that was noticeably lacking in games from last season and the team was generally first to every open-play ball.

The hard work would pay off for the Streets of London. Nelson took a short goal kick to Wylie who launched the German rocket Winkler down the left flank. A touch to Mussor allowed the midfielder to round two players before touching across the edge of the box to Scribner. Scribners short pass found Hillesland who, in uncharacteristic fashion, softly tapped the ball goal-ward bound and into the back of the net.

The swift clean passing was a welcome sight to the packed stadium as the visitors took the lead. However, the Steets glory was short lived as 8 minutes later Arsenal pulled one back.

Arsenal pushed down their right flank and played the ball across the middle of the field to their right side where a midfielder ran on into the box past Baxter. Nelson came to the player but the shot snuck past his diving left hand and found the far corner of the visitors goal.

Moments later Nelson was forced into a save that almost exactly emulated the previous goal. Arsenal forward Kris Kuntz, formerly with Celtic Old Bhoys, came in from the same angle. Nelson stood his ground and saved as the Arsenal forward struck.

Both teams would go into the break feeling the score was a fair representation of play, although one could argue that the Streets of London might have had the edge.

Shortly after the break it would be the Streets of London that would retake the lead. Mussor was again instrumental in finding Scribner who crossed the ball for Daley to drive home.

With the score set at 2-1 in favor of the visitors and the gameplay edging in their favor Arsenal would need to dig deep to come back a second time. Midway through the second half they would get their opportunity.

After a few moments of intense pressure around the edge of the Streets of London box, it would be Arsenal striker Kris Kuntz who would mis-kick the ball as he shot at the goal. With a flury of defenders blocking his view, Nelson saw the ball late and was unable to reach it before it trickled over the line at the back post.

With the game tied up 2-2, a draw looked inevitable until 5 minutes from time when another goal-mouth scramble would see Arsenal clutch the win.

A shot came in from close range. Nelson tipped the ball onto the bar and as it dropped managed to get a hand to clear it. Unfortunately for the visiting side, the ball dropped on the edge of the six-yard box to an Arsenal midfielder.

The entire defensive line stood as if their feet were set in concrete and stared at the Arsenal player as he shot from near point-blank range into the goal.

Two defensive errors cost the Streets the first victory of the season. A hard lesson that will almost definitely have been learned.

The score line did not reflect the game-play, but at the end of the day it's the points in the bag that matter most.

Kevin "The Guvnor" O'Brien expressed his disappointment by phone from his airplane as he flew his wife back from an overseas trip.

"My understanding is that the team played well. We had some last minute changes to the squad that impacted everyone. We do need to close these holes that keep letting us down. I'm disappointed. I was hoping we would get a win in our first game."

The Streets of London will play their next match at home to Folsom United, the team recently promoted from the 3rd division.

Streets Suffer Opening Game Setback

The Streets of London will be without a number of key players for tonight's opening game away to Arsenal.

Team manager Kevin "The Guvnor" O'Brien will miss the game after informing the team that he will flying out of the country on his private jet to meet with his wife, while midfielder Neil Oldham is also out of the country on rumored charges of selling Manchester City merchandise in public.

Two season top goal scorer Mike Daley is doubtful after taking an injury a week ago while on international duty.

Midfielder James Madriago is also sidelined long term after picking up a knee injury on his international travels.

It still hasn't been confirmed if Burk Knifeton will be playing or if he did in fct hang up his boots at the end of last season, although O'Brien, before leaving for Sacramento International Airport, did comment on Knifeton. "We are still in talks. It remains to be seen whether or not he will be retiring after all".

With Chris Hayhoe still out long term, the team could be short of options for tonight's game.

O'Brien Moves to Kevington Palace

The Streets of London manager Kevin "The Guvnor" O'Brien's recent move to his new estate in Sacramento, CA has stirred much discussion. But probably none more so than the reward for the first photographer to snap pictures of the building from inside the grounds.

Despite attempts to keep photographs of his new pad out of the media, one of our secret photographers was able to sneak behind the walls of the mantion and snapped a few pictures.

The home, modeled after Kensington Palace in England has become widely known throughout the Sacramento region as Kevington Palace.

Details on the exact size and number of rooms are sketchy, but the player-manager was overheard saying that his full-size indoor football pitch has real grass!

O'Brien and his spokesperson were unavailable for comment.

Streets of London Finish Third

The Streets of London finished the spring season in third place behind BASOM and ahead of Arsenal after a shock upset at the bottom of the table.

Most pundits had expected Streets of London FC to finish fourth when it was widely speculated that Arsenal would easily beat last place Sierra Stripping.

The shock 5-3 upset meant that the Streets of London would finish 1 point ahead of rivals Arsenal, although there was a large void filling the space between the Streets and second placed team BASOM.

Kevin "The Guvnor" O'Brien was stunned by the result but was cautiously optimistic as he looked ahead to Tuesday night's opening season game.

"I really didn't expect us to finish thrid. We had some close games this season, but we had some nightmares. We didn't deserve to go down, but third is a good place to finish considering the alternatives".

He went on to say "what we need to to do is improve upon last season. Our off-season training schedule has been rigid and you might see some spectacular things through the summer months".

Arch enemies of the Streets, Turn Verein, were promoted to the first division while Sierra Stripping were relegated as expected.

Sribduction Phenomenon

Recent reports of UFO sightings around the Streets of London FC matches have been dismissed by the US Air Force as nothing more than cloud formations. But a photograph that was taken by a fan at the end of last season suggests there may be more to the story than meets the eye.

It has been widely speculated among locals that Streets of London striker Dave Scribner was abducted the season before last after he was substituted just before half-time. Since then an ongoing investigation by top military officials has yielded nothing. This weeks release of the photo suggests there may be more to the story than meets the eye.

"He definitely went missing," commented Kevin "The Guvnor" O'Brien when asked about his player. "One minute he was there, next he was gone. It was a perfect opportunity for the aliens to strike".

The young supporter who took the photograph, Justin Time, said he was there right when he needed to be. "This always happens to me. Whenever something happens I always seem to be in exactly the right place".

Air Force officials are now reviewing the photograph to see if it has been doctored. Meanwhile Scribner still asserts that he doesn't recall what happened and he can't explain the lubricating gel found in his back pocket.

Top Scorer Table Released

For the second successive season, Streets of London striker Mike Daley won the top scorer table with Dave Scribner following up in second place. Tom Hillesland proved to be the best supporting role for the striker despite being a defender.

Daley was unavailable for comment tonight. His agent said Daley was "polishing his gold plimsoll in an effort to show it off again next season".

Dave Scribner was also unavailable for comment as the ongoing investigation into his disappearance continues.

Tom Hillesland accepted his status with the humility you come to expect from the Streets of London defenders. "It's great to see that I can contribute to the success of the team. I commend Mike on his shooting excellence".

Kevin "The Guvnor" O'Brien said that he owes the season to Daley's last goal. "If it wasn't for him we would have been demoted. But what you have to remember is that it was really me that managed to set everyone up. All of these goals realistically began with my touch at some point".

Oldham To Miss Opening Game

Streets of London playmaker and midfielder Neil Oldham will miss the opening game of the season Tuesday night as he is away on International duty.

Oldham, commonly known as "Neil" by his team-mates will be in England after he was called up by his country. Media in the UK has claimed that there wasn't actually a call-up per se and that Oldham's presence was actually the result of an outstanding warrant.

We contacted Manchester police in England to try and confirm or deny the rumor. A Greater Manchester Police spokesperson said "Mr. Oldham is wanted for a series of purchases of Manchester City memorabilia. For years we have been trying to get these items banned. It's people like Mr. Oldham that keep the memorabilia moving. We have identified a total of 7 Manchester City supporters and Mr. Oldham appears to be the ring-leader".

When pressed on whether the Streets of London player is the same Mr. Oldham that the GMP is looking for the spokesperson added "all we know at this point is that the Streets of London player and the suspect we are looking for have the same funny accent."

Oldham was unavailable for comment as we went to press.

Sims Shortens Last Name

In a surprise move today, Streets of London midfielder Steve Simms has shortened his last name by one letter from Simms to Sims.

"It's all about efficiency. When you watch my game you realize that I am one of the most efficient players on the field. I only move when I need to and stop as quickly as possible. That's efficiency at its best. My name needs to reflect that efficiency so I needed to remove the redundant 'm' from my last name."

Experts that we contacted have said that there might be more to the story than appears on the surface. Albert Wordsmith of the Word Theory Foundation (WTF) said that "frequently many people have a different reason on why they change their names. There is always marriage or divorce, but in this case it's much deeper."

He added "The Sims is a strategic life-simulation computer game developed by Maxis and published by Electronic Arts. It's obvious, at least to me, that Steve is saying that his name emulates life and therefore his football emulates great players."

Streets of London team-mate Bobby Madriago said he thought the whole name thing was nonsense. "We still call him by his first name. I can't see us saying 'Hey Steve Virtual-Life pass me the ball' - it's just not gonna happen. It's so much easier to say 'Hey nob head, give us the ball'. It's nonsense".

Away Fans Target Hattrick Hero

After the Streets of London victory last night hattrick hero Mike Daley's car was broken into. Although police had no suspects at the time, home supports believe it could have been the away fans.

"It's really [very] annoying," Daley said. "I play a great game, I score amazing goals and then some scum of the earth breaks into my car - probably because I'm better than them at dribbling."

According to police reports, Daley's wallet was stolen and his credit cards were used to purchase goods from local retailers - all before Daley had realized the incident had occurred.

An anonymous Mastercard employee revealed some of the items that had been purchased that day, but couldn't confirm whether they were purchased by Daley earlier in the day or by the thieves.

Items on the list included ladies underwear, a single rubber glove, a tube of green lubricating gel, an English cucumber and a photograph of Manchester United's frontman Ronaldo.

The total loss appears to be a few thousand dollars.

Daley Retains Coveted Golden Plimsoll

Streets of London striker Mike Daley retained the coveted Golden Plimsoll for the second consecutive season after tucking away 3 more goals in the 4-2 victory over visiting team Sierra Stripping last night.

Dave Scribner was the highest assist for the season as well as the second highest goal scorer.

New to the scoring and assist sheet this season was Bobby Madriago who assisted Daley in the goal Tuesday night against BASOM.

Daley was out of town for International duty this afternoon and was unavailable for comment.

Scribner was also unavailable for comment and hasn't been seen since last night's game. The US Air Force is looking into reports of UFO's over Folsom again.

Knifeton Hanging Up His Boots

The latest news coming out of Folsom this afternoon is that Burk Knifeton, the Streets of London left-back has hung up his boots.

The player was instrumental in helping the Streets avoid relegation last night as the team went on to secure a 4-2 victory at home against bottom of the table Sierra Stripping.

Knifeton was seen in a rare moment celebrating with fellow team-mates after the game before he sped away in his Mercedes.

Kevin "The Guvnor" O'Brien only had one comment this morning as he was seen leaving the bank "It's not been decided. Burk has a lot to offer the team and nothing is set in stone".

Knifeton himself was unavailable for comment.

Streets of London 4 - 2 Sierra Stripping

The Streets of London secured a critical win against a determined Sierra Stripping in their last game of the season to take them out of the relegation zone.

In an ironic battle the game began in a similar fashion to the last encounter between the two sides.

The Streets lost the kick-off coin-toss and resulting in them playing into the setting sun. Sierra Stripping started out with 9 players as the remaining players struggled to get from the dressing room to the field.

But things were different between this fixture and the prior fixture and, in what seemed a common story for the season, the Streets of London just weren't in the game.

Even with 9 men on the field Sierra pushed hard to create the opening chances. They leveraged the setting sun by putting balls high in the air over the defenders. The made for a challenging defensive posture. That coupled with some fast forwards, Sierra began to head goal bound on many occasions.

Even the Streets passing was sorely lacking in the opening half. But it would be a few minutes of good football from the Streets that led to the first goal.

After some strong midfield play where Nik Mussor and Neil Oldham had both returned to the starting lineup, it would be Dave Scribner who would pick up a loose ball, run into the area and launch a shot on target netting the first goal of the game.

With the Streets 1-0 up, it looked like there was some chance of the tide finally turning. But as an almost empty stadium looked on, Sierra made a comeback.

A long ball over the top of the defenders left the back line scrambling to pick out the ball in the sun. As the forwards ran through there was little that could be done to prevent the equalizer.

And shortly before half-time, another break in similar fashion cost the Streets early. An inbound ball bounced of Mike Lefebvre's chest and dropped between Tom Hillesland and Jon Taylor right into the path of a Sierra forward. He split the two defenders and found another striker outside to his left. A swift one-two and the ball rounded Don Bradhsaw to put sierra a goal up.

Minutes later the half came to a close and the Streets left the field looking very dejected, surely realizing that this loss would be devastating.

Nobody knows what instructions Kevin "The Guvnor" O'Brien gave the team at half time, but the second half was a completely different animal from the first.

The Streets finally began talking to each other and were much more mentally engaged in the game.

A controversial goal would put the Streets of London ahead midway through the second half.

Sierra Stripping began to receive a lot of pressure from the home side who were now determined not to sink to the bottom division.

A moment of close passing around a Sierra defender between Oldham and Scribner allowed Scribner to release Daley, who was clearly three yards offside. With the linesman and referee seeing nothing wrong, play continued and Daley ran onto goal slotting the ball into the back of the net.

Despite major protests from the visiting team, the goal stood and the Streets again took the lead.

Shortly thereafter a Sierra Stripping defender was challenged by Vadim Winkler with Daley in close proximity. A foul, much to the surprise of the home side and fans was awarded in favor of Sierra Stripping.

Moments later a simliar challenge occurred when Oldham was squeezed out by two Sierra midfielders. No foul was given and the protest from Oldham resulted in him picking up his first yellow card of the season.

It would be O'Brien who would set up the next goal. His long range kick from deep in midfield towards the Sierra penalty spot bounced off a defenders derriere where Daley was sniffing - allowing the striker to touch the ball home.

The Streets had pulled ahead by two and they weren't done yet.

With Sierra Stripping struggling to keep up with the pace after being overrun without substitutes for the better part of 35 minutes, Daley would once again strike to secure his hattrick and the points the Streets needed to stay up.

As the Streets pushed into the Sierra box O'Brien passed the ball to Scribner who laid the ball across the face of the goal to Daley who smashed the ball home.

The away side claimed the ball went through the side-netting but slow motion replays reveled it did cross the inside of the post. The slow motion replays also showed Steve Sims attempting to distract the goalkeeper by scratching his last remaining testicle - something he would confirm to reporters later.

The Streets wrapped up the game 10 minutes later and secured a vital 3 points to end the season in the safety zone.

The win moved them up to third place, but with Arsenal still having a game to play, it is likely the Streets will drop back to fourth.

It is now mathematically impossible for Sierra Stripping to finish above the Streets of London. Something O'Brien was pleased about as he spoke with us afterwards.

"The lads played a fantastic second half. We started out down - I don;t know if it was carrying on from Tuesday night or not. But they needed to shake it off and shake it off quickly. I knew we could win the game, but they had to have their heads in it to come out on top. Daley's hattrick provided the answer but it was my inspiration and wisodm at half time that really get the lads to realize we could do this. That's why I'm the guvnor" commented O'Brien.

It is still unclear which team will be promoted. After BASOM's victory on Tuesday they went to the top of the table. But Turn Verein still had two games in hand and were only 2 points behind BASOM.

With one of the worst performing season behind them, the Streets look to the new season for renewed energy.

BASOM 3 v 1 Streets Of London

Tuesday night saw another example of self destruction as the Streets of London lost to second place team BASOM in a 3-1 defeat.

Although the Streets of London were missing a number of players due to injury or international duty, they were able to field a full squad. BASOM, however, came to the game with what seemed to be two full squads.

The kick-off was again decided by the experimental FIFA guessing game which looks set to replace the traditional coin-toss. The Streets, winning the number guessing, kicked off with their backs to the sun, although as the game unfolded it was apparent that any benefit from this strategy would be non-existent.

Mike Lefebvre began as the sweeper behind Jon Taylor with Andy Nelson and Burk Knifeton at right-back and left-back respectively. This formation lasted all of 5 minutes as Taylor kept dropping behind Lefebvre, who subsequently pushed forward in front of Taylor.

The gap between midfield and the defenders began to open up early in the game as Taylor sat deep in his own half while the midfield pushed deep into the opposing territory.

With both Knifeton and Nelson pushing forward to support Ed Gatjen and Vadim Winkler on the edge of midfield, the gap opened up allowing the BASOM midfield and forwards to exploit it continually.

And that exploitation paid off when most of the defensive line was caught up-filed in two separate instances in the first half.

The first goal was a gift for the BASOM forwards with three of them closing down on Taylor and Don Bradshaw. There was little the keeper and defender could do as the BASOM forward struck home.

Shortly thereafter an almost identical situation provided the second goal for BASOM. Lefebvre gave the ball away and while BASOM rushed goalward, Nelson and Knifeton chased the forwards. They could do nothing to prevent the impeding strike past both Taylor and Bradshaw.

The Streets had few opportunities in the first half. Those that did come invariably were the result of crosses to the waiting Mike Daley and Dave Scribner.

Although the second half saw a better performance from the Streets, it would again be a costly error that would see their demise.

As the second half got underway, the Streets began to present a little more energy in their business. More use of the wings opened up the field and the forwards began to receive better crosses.

With only 10 minutes gone after the break Bobby Madriago set up Daley for the Streets only goal. With him only slightly over the half-way line, Madriago picked up a loose ball and attempted to find the space in the far left corner of the field. His miss-kick instead sent the ball skyward into the BASOM box. As it came down, the BASOM keeper and Daley both went up for the ball. Daley got there slightly ahead of the keeper and headed the ball from what would have been an inevitable grip. As the ball went over the keeper, Daley powered home.

With the score-line at 2-1, the Streets felt there was opportunity to get back into the game and began to play better football. But it would all come undone midway through the second half as BASOM broke again.

The ball was played long through the center and the BASOM forwards closed in towards the ball and goal. With Taylor, Knifeton and Nelson all converging on the ball, Bradshaw made the call to collect as the ball entered the area.

Hs slid down but fumbled the ball and pushed it right into the path of the a BASOM striker who inevitably found the back of the net.

That goal essentially put the game to bed. The Streets tried to come back but couldn't put together the right combination of passing and shooting to pull the game back.

Kevin "The Guvnor" O'Brien was somewhat dejected after the game and had little comment on the night's performance, although he was more upbeat about the next fixture on Thursday night against bottom team Sierra Stripping. "We stand a 1 in 3 chance of getting a win on Thursday night. Those are good odds that I feel comfortable with. Tonight's game was well below par. One of the worst games we've played," he said.

The Streets go into Thursday night's game needing a win. Although technically a tie might keep them up in the second division, a would would almost certainly guarantee it.

Club v Country Debate Heats Up

Sheikhs Baxter and Wylie have added fuel to the fire of the club v. country controversy by feigning off one or both of the Streets of London's crucial end of season games.

Ironically, the two defenders are opting for the national team matches at the weekend rather than the club's last two games of the season this week. A team, it has to be observed, that they own.

Streets manager Kevin "The Guvnor" O'Brien was perplexed by the prospect of the absences. "It makes no sense to me," O'Brien said, "the owners have always been 100% behind me and the club."

"They know we are fighting for our lives in here..." he added, "and they go for country over club. Unbelievable!"

Sheikh Baxter explained his decision to miss the games was due to his wife Stacy "Posh" Baxter having broken her ankle. No one knows if the ankle break was due to excessivly high heels or an excessively late tackle.

Sheikh Wylie was heard mumbling something about having morning sickness... mind you, it was 11:00 p.m.

The Streets management is considering an approach to FIFA regarding the potential damage the internationals will cause the club if they fail to maintain their status in 2nd division.